SIS… LET’S TALK ABOUT “JONGHEH”

By RamaTulai

SIS… LET’S TALK ABOUT “JONGHEH”

My sister, don’t be fooled by the way JONGHEH is thrown around in our African communities.

Somewhere along the line, it became this heavy title…

A woman who must hold everything together — no matter the cost.

But let’s be honest for a second…

What does that actually look like?

👉 You finish work at the same time as your partner.
👉 You come home and start your second shift — cooking, cleaning, kids.
👉 Then at night, you’re expected to be the softest, happiest, sexiest version of yourself.

All while hearing that warning in the background:

“If you don’t do it, another woman will.”

So you push harder.
You do more.
You give more.
You stretch yourself thinner and thinner… hoping it will secure love.

But sis… at what cost? 😔

This is how we become overfunctioning women — exhausted, anxious, and disconnected from ourselves.

And let me tell you something that might shock you:

Most of what we do for love is unnecessary.

Yes. I said what I said. 😂

Let me give you a very simple example: churai.

I’ve lost count of how many men have told me they don’t even like churai.

They’re like:

“Churai mum dafma deh hala sonal…” 😂

I’ll even use my own husband as an example.

The only time I get the classic:

“Ah Ram, taalal churai bi ndoke!” 🤣

…is when we cook fish — catfish specifically.

But because I love churai, I still put it on for myself quite often.

And that’s the point.

Sometimes we are doing all these things thinking:

“This is what a good wife is supposed to do.”

Meanwhile, your husband is sitting there thinking:

“But who asked you for all this?” 😂

And it’s not only about food.

Some women even force their partners to wear clothes they don’t feel comfortable in — perhaps because they want their husband to look a certain way or to present a certain image.

But sis… is that not also performance?

You’re putting in all this effort to create an image of the perfect couple, while your partner may be uncomfortable, unhappy, or simply not himself.

We exhaust ourselves trying to prove our love, when sometimes the person we are doing it for doesn’t even need or appreciate half of it.

JONGHEH is NOT a one-size-fits-all role.

The real key is to:

👉 Study each other.
👉 Understand your partner’s love language.
👉 Understand each other’s needs.
👉 Learn how to communicate.
👉 Stop performing and start connecting.

Because chances are…

You’ve been doing way more than is actually needed.

My sister, calm down.

You don’t have to earn love through exhaustion.

It’s time to come back home to yourself…

To your femininity.
To your softness.
To your peace.

Let’s continue this conversation inside my subscribe community — a private space created specifically for the overfunctioning African woman who is ready to unlearn, rest, and rediscover herself.

If you’re not in yet… this is your invitation.

Sis, it’s time. Come home to YOU. ❤️

About the author
Rama Tulai is a feminine energy coach and writer who helps high-achieving women break free from overfunctioning and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships without losing themselves. Follow Rama Tulai on Facebook for more practical insights, and tap Subscribe to join The Cherished Woman Circle for exclusive articles, coaching, and conversations designed to help you embrace softness with confidence.

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