“My mother used to say something that annoyed me as a child… until life started making sense.”

By RamaTulai

“My mother used to say something that annoyed me as a child… until life started making sense.”

“Ku nyui diri dor tanna fu sa ndong lei dal.”

As a child with endless needs, I heard this proverb more times than I wanted to.

Back then, I thought Mum was simply saying “no” in a more complicated way.

Now I hear something completely different.

The true meaning: when you depend on someone else for everything, your choices become very limited.

When my husband asked for my hand in marriage, I was only 19 – just finished high school.

My dad’s response surprised us both. He insisted that I first complete my AAT, get a job, and then get married. So instead of marrying at 19, I got married at 21.

Looking back, I thank him for that decision.

I now know he wasn’t preparing me to compete with my husband or become the breadwinner in my marriage.

He was making sure I had a foundation of my own—a buffer, should life ever happen.

As a married woman today, I see the wisdom in that even more.

Life doesn’t always go according to plan. Jobs are lost. Businesses fail. Illness happens. Sometimes marriages face storms no one saw coming.

In those moments, having a skill, a profession, or an income isn’t about pride; it’s about having choices.

And perhaps that’s why this proverb still echoes in my mind.

It also makes me wonder how different the lives of many women would look if, before they became wives, someone had insisted they first build something they could always call their own.

What do you think—is financial independence within marriage a sign of mistrust, or is it simply wisdom preparing for life’s uncertainties?

About the author

Rama Tulai is a feminine energy coach and writer who helps high-achieving women break free from overfunctioning and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships without losing themselves. Follow Rama Tulai on Facebook for more practical insights, and tap Subscribe to join The Cherished Woman Circle for exclusive articles, coaching, and conversations designed to help you embrace softness with confidence.

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