Marriage Lesson #65 (literally 😅): What watching my parents for over 40 years has taught me about lasting love.

By RamaTulai

People often ask me where my views on relationships come from.

The truth? I’ve had front-row seats my entire life.

Watching my parents has taught me a lot about what makes a marriage last.

Some lessons are worth carrying forward. Others? We can learn from them without repeating them.

Here are 4 marriage lessons I’ve learned from watching my parents. Two to embrace. Two to do differently.

1. Conflict changes as marriage grows.

As children, I genuinely thought my parents never argued.

Turns out, they just had the decency to do it privately;

Now that all the children have left home, they argue in front of us… and somehow expect us to become Supreme Court judges.

The funniest part? Siblings don’t solve conflict. We simply choose teams!

Ask my mum today, and she’ll confidently tell you I’m always on my dad’s side. (She may not be entirely wrong. 😅)

The lesson? Every season of marriage brings new challenges. The goal isn’t to avoid every disagreement; it’s to learn how to navigate them without losing sight of the relationship.

1. They always parented as one team.

If one of us got into trouble, it wasn’t Mum and me versus Dad.

Or Dad and me versus Mum.

It was all of us against… THEM. 😭😂

Looking back, that unity gave us a sense of security.

And yet, one of the biggest learning curves in my own marriage has been managing our differences in raising our children, especially our teenager.

Parenting is humbling!

The lesson? Your children don’t need two parents who always agree. They need parents who learn to work through their differences without making the children choose sides.

Being on the same team doesn’t mean having identical opinions. It means remembering that you’re working towards the same goal.

1. One lesson I won’t copy: trying to change your spouse.

My mum still believes my dad has potential for improvement.

My dad still believes he’s too old to change.

It’s been a fascinating standoff for decades. 😂

But one thing coaching has taught me is this:

Love grows much better where acceptance exists than where constant correction does.

There’s a difference between encouraging your spouse’s growth and treating them like a lifelong improvement project.

The lesson? You can desire growth in your marriage without making your spouse feel like who they are today is never enough.

1. Another lesson: don’t carry what isn’t yours.

My mum is a firstborn daughter.

She has spent much of her life carrying everyone.

Not necessarily because my dad refused to help, but because she’s naturally someone who takes responsibility for everything.

Watching her has reminded me that being a good wife, or a loving partner, doesn’t mean taking responsibility for everything and everyone.

Sometimes, we take on so much that we leave little room for our partners to show up, contribute and carry their share.

The lesson? Love is not measured by how much one person can carry. A healthy marriage makes room for shared responsibility, mutual support and the willingness to let your partner do their part.

And through it all, the greatest gift my parents gave us wasn’t money.

It was values.

Contentment.
Faith.
Delayed gratification.
Courage.
Love for family.

Those are the things that have outlived every disagreement.

Because after 65 years, I’ve realised something:

A lasting marriage isn’t built by two perfect people. It’s built by two people who keep choosing to build a life together, even while they’re still wonderfully imperfect.

Thank you, Yaboye and Daddy, for giving us the privilege of learning from both what worked and what could have been done differently.

So, let me ask you:

What’s ONE lesson you learned from watching your parents’ relationship that you’re intentionally bringing into—or leaving out of—your own relationship?

Share it in the comments. Someone else might need that lesson, too.

About the author
Rama Tulai is an executive and feminine energy coach and writer who helps high-achieving women break free from overfunctioning and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships without losing themselves. Follow Rama Tulai on Facebook for more practical insights, and tap Subscribe to join The Cherished Woman Circle for exclusive articles, coaching, and conversations designed to help you embrace softness with confidence.