By Rama Tulai

“Madam, it’s time for your fourth outfit!”

At this point, is it still a naming ceremony… or a fashion marathon?

One thing I’ve always questioned in my part of the world is why women are expected to change into multiple outfits during weddings and naming ceremonies.

And before anybody comes for me…

This isn’t about whether you can afford it.

It’s much deeper than that.

Many women have been conditioned to believe that their worth is measured by how much they can do, carry, endure, organise, cook, serve, entertain…

…and yes, even by how many outfits they can wear in one event without fainting.

That is overfunctioning.

We’ve normalised overfunctioning to the point where exhaustion now looks like “good womanhood.”

As a feminine energy coach, I help women understand that internal validation is far more powerful than external applause.

You don’t become more valuable because you changed outfits five times.

You don’t become more respected because you exhausted yourself trying to impress everyone.

And you certainly don’t win an award for suffering in silence while the tightness of your daggit is giving you back pain.

I’m married with three children, and the highest number of outfits I’ve ever worn to a ceremony is two.

In fact, at my youngest daughter’s naming ceremony, I wore one simple abaya… and that was it.

Peacefully.
Softly.
Comfortably.
Fully present.

For my second daughter’s naming ceremony, my mum had three outfits prepared for me. By the time I finished the second one, I looked at myself and said,

“Rama-Tulai… you’ve tried.”

“In shaa Allah… everybody will survive.”

And guess what?

The world didn’t crumble.

The rice still finished.

People still ate.

The baby was still named.

Life carried on.

She’s now 10 years old and still happily bouncing around.

Sometimes, as women, we need to pause and ask ourselves:

“Am I doing this because I genuinely want to… or because I’ve been conditioned to believe I must?”

Dear overfunctioning woman,

You do not have to prove your worth through exhaustion.

Softness is not laziness.

Rest is not weakness.

And doing less does not make you less valuable.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. What’s the highest number of outfits you’ve ever worn to a single ceremony—and did you actually enjoy it, or were you simply meeting expectations? Share your experience in the comments.

About the Author

Rama Tulai is a feminine energy coach and writer who helps high-achieving women break free from overfunctioning and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships without losing themselves. Follow Rama Tulai on Facebook for more practical insights, and tap Subscribe to join The Cherished Woman Circle for exclusive articles, coaching, and conversations designed to help you embrace softness with confidence.

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