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By RamaTulai
I know one thing…..
If my grandmother Ya Lolly was alive and reading this, she would chase me with a wooden spoon. 😂
Sis……We were raised hearing:
“The key to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
So many African women grew up believing: learn to cook, and you’ve secured love.
🌹Super kanja b – na fata tarach!
🌹Hey koku bakku mor dama chi lohorm yi.
🌹Chebu jenn deko roffe mbaa sa jekarr fasseh la!
Because apparently, if your food is good enough, he will never leave. 😭
But let’s be honest…
Why are some of the best cooks still divorced?
Why do some women who can cook a full feast still struggle in relationships?
I’ve seen two types of women
- Those who are amazing cooks — but they give their husbands hell at home. Constant arguments, disrespect, emotional tension… the food is perfect, but the relationship is not.
- And I’ve seen the opposite — a woman who might burn the rice sometimes, but her home feels like peace, laughter, and safety… and her husband can’t get enough of her.
So let’s be clear:
Cooking alone does NOT do the job.
So far I’ve never met a man who says “as long as she can cook, I can deal with any form of disrespect and ill treatment “. I’m still waiting.
Now this also needs to be clear,😂 — I’m not saying don’t learn to cook.
Learn it. It’s a great life skill.
But let’s stop pretending it’s a relationship strategy.
Because a lot of women were taught:
Cook for him.
Clean for him.
Serve him.
Never complain.
Never rest.
And somehow we believed:
“If I do enough, he will love me enough.”
Sis… that’s not love. That’s over-functioning.
The key to a man’s heart is not his stomach…..it’s your head, and how you utilize it.
It’s your emotional intelligence, your energy, and how you make him feel when he’s with you.
It’s your intuition to pick up cues that signal your safety to stay in a relationship or otherwise.
Because a man can eat the best food in the world and still not want to come home to chaos, disrespect, or constant tension.
And another man can eat simple meals and still rush home because the woman feels like peace.
So yes — learn to cook.
But don’t confuse good cooking with a good relationship.
Because marriage isn’t a restaurant.
And your husband isn’t staying for five-star chu yi kong.
He’s staying for the experience of YOU.
And this is exactly the kind of deeper conversation we have inside my subscriber community — where we unpack the beliefs we were raised with, unlearn the pressure to over-function, and rebuild a healthier understanding of love, femininity, and relationships.
If you’re tired of doing everything “right” and still feeling unseen, misunderstood, or emotionally exhausted in love, you’ll feel at home there.
👉🏾 Click the link https://www.facebook.com/61550975829304/subscribe/ to join.
Now let me know on the comments…..👇🏾 What’s one thing you were taught growing up that you thought you had to do for a man to love you?
About the author
Rama Tulai is a feminine energy coach and writer who helps high-achieving women break free from overfunctioning and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships without losing themselves. Follow Rama Tulai on Facebook for more practical insights, and tap Subscribe to join The Cherished Woman Circle for exclusive articles, coaching, and conversations designed to help you embrace softness with confidence.
📍 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61550975829304
